Foreplay, its a wonderful thing
Dear Fellow Readers,

    After returning from a trip to the outdoors at Lake Tahoe, California, I had another fricked up thought. I know I haven't kept up my work month after month. But, with exams and yours truly's social life on the line, I've been delaying it for some time. (WTF?!? You ain't got no social life you nerd, you talk to your computer! What a dumass! -Ivan). I also estimated that 80 percent of you people don't give a flying fuck what I have to say and delete this worthless piece of crap when you get it. Make an exception will 'ya? Todays topic is a good one, its about the term we humans like to call it, "FOREPLAY" (dum dum DUMMM). Admit it, from your years from middle to high school you had to at least do it once in your life. You gotta treat someone you like rrealllllyyyy nice and with the upmost respect, even though you could care less about there Transformer Action Figure Collection. Lets put it in laments term all right? Foreplay is described as the before commitment behavior towards a member of the opposite sex. Commitment meaning, marriage, sex, money, etc.) More importantly it is used to gain sex...we guys are sooo barbaric (Me want sex, we treat girl nice, girl happy, sex for me). Anyway, lets take the whole term apart and look at the dynamics. An example of foreplay is when the male (mostly, but in rare cases, female exhibit this behavior), treat there future mate-in-progress, with gifts, respect, and what we men like to call it, "rabbit ears" (meaning we PRETEND to listen to whatever the other have to say and pretend we are SOO damn interested). This may take up to a day, month, even a year sometimes for the girl to give in to your desiressss (cat purrrrr). But some girls just don't give in no matter how hard we try! The point is that, when a girl doesn't give in, its time to pull out the big guns. (NO, not that kind). But, a different kind....GIFTS! Yes, surprise your mate with scores of clothes, jewlry, furry huggable stuffed animals, cosmetics, anything that makes a girl tick. If that doesn't work? There's two main things that is wrong with you: (applies to male only)

1. Look down, take your hand and pull your pants down. Take a look. If nothing flesh like or over 2 inches is there, sorry but your really screwed up and stand NO chance.

2. Go into a local gay bar and talk to people. If you find yourself drunk and turned on by all the excessive groping done by your so called, "guy friends" there, sorry but your a full-on homosexual. If that's not clear, your a gay-fag combo.

With that aside, its time to refer to you lovely women out there. A word of caution to you, do not (repeat DO NOT) turn down a guy when he surprise you with a girly gift (ex. girl clothes, stuffed animals, or perfume). The reason? He is went through hell and back for you, because he had the guts to enter a girly store such as, "Express", "Seventeen", "Guess", or anything. This can severely wreak havoc on a guy's mental stablity, because after encountering so many shades of pink, neon green, bright red, or the sight of furry clothing, we can go brain dead. Ok, I gotta wrap things up and jet because there are California chicks just waiting for me to oil them up at the nude beach. (well....at least I think its a nude beach...oh well, I'll just wait and see). Lastly, I don't mean to diss the gay people I mean....theres nothing wrong with being gay.....uhh...yaa....thats it....Enjoy your summer people! Only 28 days until we get back in the groove. Here from San Francisco, California, Peace out and Surfs Up!

                                         Signed Your's Truly,
                                         The Nerd, Will Fong